I read The New Yorker. Which might be the only sure thing in my life.
SF / NYC / ATX / ETC
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At the wine shop buying Manischewitz. The cashier says, "Happy Easter!"
11 months, 2 days ago
Twitter for iPhone
2 Retweets 15 Likes
Candlelight yoga class. Girl wanders in, weaves around everyone on mats, catches Pokemon, finally looks up. Teacher guilts her into joining.
1 years, 8 months ago
3 Retweets 24 Likes
Shopping in a good outfit is like going to the grocery store when you're hungry: expensive consequences.
2 years, 1 months ago
3 Retweets 13 Likes
'Tis the season for unsubscribing.
2 years, 3 months ago
4 Retweets 12 Likes
When I can't decide how long I should rest, I just spin the roll of numbers in the timer app, like it's nap roulette.
2 years, 7 months ago
This goat cheese is proof that you can put truffles in almost anything and make me like it.
0 Retweets 5 Likes
"I measured the coffee to the meniscus."
0 Retweets 4 Likes
Who needs horror movies when there's Google Images?
0 Retweets 7 Likes
The only thing worse than no internet is slow internet.
3 years, 1 months ago
6 Retweets 21 Likes
Moving. My boyfriend sees me pack a huge stack of New Yorkers: "Put the iPhone down and read those instead! The movers charge by the pound!"
3 years, 6 months ago
2 Retweets 11 Likes
"Sometimes I think you know more than Google." @cassieboorn
3 years, 7 months ago
2 Retweets 6 Likes
Hiking with boyfriend: "There's a river, but no bridge. I think we can ford it." Me: "Forget it. I died of dysentery; see you back at home."
2 Retweets 5 Likes
Inches away from the mirror, I ponder the future of my eyebrows; until I realize my ADD medication has worn off and bedtime was an hour ago.
3 years, 8 months ago
3 Retweets 15 Likes
Couldn't find any scissors, so I just opened a package with the heel of my stilettos.
3 years, 9 months ago
0 Retweets 14 Likes
It's not the number of gigabytes a USB drive has; it's the number of USB drives you have lying around, so as to find one when you need it.
0 Retweets 11 Likes
No conflict, no interest.
4 years ago
3 Retweets 10 Likes
Sending messages while asleep would be sleep texting, which maybe sounds too close to sexting. Except one has distinctly more zzz than xxx.
4 years, 1 months ago
4 Retweets 9 Likes
Order salad in Paris. Ask for dressing. Waiter will look at the bottles of oil and vinegar on your table and point, which is French for duh.
2 Retweets 14 Likes
Trains of thoughts give way to thoughts of trains.
4 years, 2 months ago
I am a pathological unsubscriber.
1 Retweets 6 Likes